


The Mummy

by LawdRDJ



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-18 04:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LawdRDJ/pseuds/LawdRDJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU!The Mummy (1999) </p><p>In 1926 Loki Odinson, an English librarian working in Cairo, stumbles into an adventure of a lifetime.<br/>With the help of his hapless brother Thor and the infuriating Tony Stark, he sets off to uncover the mysteries of Hamunaptra; the fabled city of the dead. </p><p>Unfortunately for everyone, things don't go as planned when they unwittingly raise the High Priest Thanos from the dead and must send him back to his sarcophagus before he sets a plague upon the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death is only the beginning...

 

 

 

THEBES - 2,134 B.C

_"Thebes, City of the Living. Crown Jewel of Pharaoh Seti the First._

_Home of Thanos, High Priest of Osiris, Keeper of the Dead._

_Birthplace of the Lady Death. Pharaoh's Mistress. No other man was allowed to touch her. But for their love, they were willing to risk life itself_ …”

  
A dark figure stood overlooking the ancient city, shadows flickering upon his scowling features. The high priest Thanos cut a menacing outline against the well lit chamber behind him. Large hands only capable of destruction gripped the balcony before him tightly as his patience wore thin. When finally the excited chirping of his priests alerted him to the arrival of his beloved. He turned to enter the chamber, cruel eyes alighting upon the Lady Death weaving through the crowding Chitauri Priests.

The chittering priests bowed and humbled themselves at her pale feet, before quickly making themselves scarce. Meeting each other half way across the gilded chamber they embraced in a passionate kiss. Thanos’ hands roamed over the body of his mistress, pushing her black robes aside. Leaving the Lady Death in a disarray in his urgency to get at her chilled flesh.

When the door suddenly burst open and the Pharaoh strode in, pushing past the lingering priests with disdain. The Pharaoh made his way over to the thin veil that separated him from his mistress and roughly pulled it back. He studied her languid form as she leaned quietly against the black marbled statue of Bastet. Raising an imperious hand he pointed at her bared shoulder, the pallid flesh there already starting to bruise. “Who has dared to lay a hand upon you?!”

A faint smirk graced her lips as she merely glanced behind him in response, causing him to whirl around and gasp, “Thanos?! My Pries-” Which was cut off with a cry as the wicked dagger the Lady Death had taken from him, was plunged into his back. Thanos with a vicious smile stole the Pharaoh’s sword from him and easily decapitated Seti with a single mighty swing.

However having heard the Pharaoh’s initial cry the elite Medjai, known as SHIELD, started to break down the door. Few of the Chitauri left tried to hold the already buckling doors at bay, while the Lady Death turned to Thanos and whispered fiercely. “You must go. Only you can resurrect me!” Thanos began to protest, eyes crazed as his priests realizing their attempts where futile, had run over to pull their master away towards the secret exit.

The last thing Thanos saw of his beloved was of her already surrounded by SHIELD, raising the dagger she had used upon the Pharaoh, upon herself…

 

 

_“To resurrect the Lady Death, Thanos and his priests broke into her crypt and stole her body. They raced deep into the desert, bringing the Lady Death’s corpse to Hamunaptra, city of the dead. Ancient burial site for the sons of Pharaoh’s and resting place for the wealth of Egypt._

_For his love Thanos dared the gods anger by going deep into the city ,where he took the black book of the dead from its holy resting place. The Lady Death’s soul had been sent to the dark underworld. Her vital organs removed and placed in five sacred canopic jars. The Lady Death’s soul had come back from the dead. But Pharaoh’s bodyguards had followed Thanos and stopped him before the ritual could be completed._

_Thanos’ priests were condemned to be mummified alive. As for Thanos he was condemned to endure the Hom-Dai, the worst of all ancient curses. One so horrible that it had never before been bestowed. He was to remain sealed inside his sarcophagus. The undead for all eternity. SHIELD would never allow him to be released for he would arise a walking disease. A plague upon mankind. An unholy flesh eater with the strength of ages, power over the sands and the glory of invincibility...”_


	2. All we found was sand and blood...

 

HAMUNAPTRA - 1923

_“For three thousand years men and armies fought over this land, never knowing what evil lay beneath it…”_

The city of the dead lost of its ancient glory and half disappearing under the sand, was still under the watchful eye of SHIELD. The medjai’s descendents ever dutiful in keeping both time and man from ravaging the final resting place of Thanos. A group of the black clad men sat astride their Arabian horses calmly overlooking the city below them. Watching with sharp eyes, the latest battle that was about to unfold over the claim to the fabled city and the vast treasures that lay beneath…

Along the crumbling city wall were the two hundred French Foreign Legionnaires, crouched in wait, watching the approach of the hundreds of galloping Tuareg horsemen. The screaming horde was only a mile across the scorching desert and fast closing the distance between them.

Tony Stark sat behind the short wall, pulling back the safety on his rifle before adjusting it to take aim. Muttering with a wry smile as he took in the sight before him, “Fuck me sideways… I knew this was gonna go all sorts of wrong with Hammer leading this platoon.” At his side Clint let out a snort, having been busy watching the quick departure of Justin Hammer. “Well you’ve just been promoted, Stark. Let’s see if you can’t do a better job, mon capitan~.” Clint replied, as he turned back to face the horde and moved to aim his revolver. Tony did a quick double take to watch their fearless leader’s retreat, before rolling his eyes with a huff. He raised his voice loudly as he ordered the men, “Stay in position! STEADY-…STEADY…”

Tony watched with calculating eyes as the men around him shifted nervously, waiting for the perfect moment before shouting, “FIRE!” Gunshots sounding off as they picked off the closest of the encroaching horde. However it became obvious that they were outnumbered when it seemed that for every falling horseman another came to swiftly take his place. He cursed loudly as he reloaded and shot a man that swung his scimitar inches from his face.

Tony and Clint stood and quickly backed away from the wall as the horsemen began to leap over it. Both continued to reload and shoot as fast as they could trying to make their way back towards the safety of the ruins. When Tony ran out of ammo for his rifle, he flipped it over used it as a bat to knock the nearest man off his horse. Before dropping it and moving to pull both his revolvers out of their holsters and using them to fend off the approaching warriors.

They turned and hightailed it into the labyrinthine ruins hoping that it would keep some of the warriors off their trail. Clint shot ahead and with moves he could’ve only learned from his time at a circus flipped over a fallen statue and clambered up and over the next large wall. Disappearing entirely, leaving Tony to stumble and try to change course, seeing as how he could never even hope pull off a stunt like that. Gunshots muffled Tony’s curses and cry of “HEY! BIRDBRAIN DON’T YOU LEAVE ME- FUCK!” He turned and ducked his head trying to dodge the ensuing bullets.

Tony dashed through columns following a twisting and winding path, panting hard as he heard the thundering of hooves gaining behind him. When he ran through an archway he caught sight of more horsemen heading straight for him. Slipping on the sand and nearly falling as he tried to stop short, he turned to see the warriors that had been following and realized that he was effectively cornered. He backed up against a half buried statue of Anubis, eyes flitting back and forth between the horsemen at both sides.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut when they raised their rifles to take aim at him. But instead of hearing the gunshots that should’ve followed he only heard the cry of horses, the frightened yelps of their riders, and the hoof beats heading away from him.

Pausing in confusion before he cautiously peaked an eye open, finding that he now stood alone he let out a relieved breath. Though his relief was short lived when he turned to gaze up back at the statue of the jackal that loomed over him. Suddenly their was an explosion of sand hitting his back. Causing him to stumble and crawl as he tried to move away from the bursts of sand that pushed at him away from the statue, until he was finally able to regain his balance. He backed away when he looked down and saw a face in the sand, its maw yawning wide. Trying to blink the sand from his eyes he backed away quickly, nearly falling back down unable to believe what he saw. The gooseflesh that crept up his skin was the last straw, before he turned and ran back through the ruins, uncaring if he got shot by the riders, simply needing to get away from the creepy visage in the earth.

What was left of the frightened raiders rode back from whence they came, the platoon of French Legionnaires lay butchered across the debris. Only one figure moved across the wasteland. The only survivor of the platoon, staggered into the scorching desert, trying to put as much distance between his slain men, the cursed ruins, and himself as possible. Pausing only briefly to squint up at the silent watchers, the black riders looking down upon the massacre from their perch on the cliffs. One of the medjai finally breaks their silence by muttering gruffly, “Should we kill this one?”. Their leader shifted slightly on his horse, his one-eyed gaze never leaving the man wearily making his way into the distance, “…No. The desert will kill him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that Sahara means desert?  
> So Sahara desert means, Desert desert.


	3. Compared to you the other plagues were a joy...

CAIRO - 1926

MUSEUM OF ANTIQUITIES

Deep within the Museum of Antiquities lay its vast library. Rows upon rows filled to the brim with every sort of book one could ever want or need on Egyptian history.

In between shelves, situated upon a tall ladder was its devoted librarian. Loki Odinson took great pleasure in his work, in the quiet and near meditative motion of organizing the precious books. Dressed in slack beige dress pants, a white pinstriped oxford that hung from his lithe frame, as well as a black tie that lay loose from around his neck. A pair of brown spectacles sat slightly lopsided on his aquiline nose as he examined the stack of books in his arms.

Humming the titles softly to himself as he placed them in order on the shelf. “Socrates…Seth…Volume One, Volume Two, and Volume Three…and Tuthmosis.” He paused to double check the title, brows furrowing in confusion. “Tuthmosis? What are you doing here? You should be…” Turning to glance behind him he smiled when he spotted its rightful spot and murmured, “Ah yes, here we go. Now to put you were you belong.” Setting the other books on the shelf, he made sure to hold the rung steady with his free hand. Before turning back to the opposing shelf and reaching out carefully to replace the misplaced book.

Straining his long arm he was able to set the edge of the book on the shelf, so he leaned a bit further. Face set in concentration before relaxing in a smile as he gingerly pushed the book into its slot. However the smile was quickly wiped from his face as the ladder pulled away from the shelf. His now freed hand went to tightly grip the top rung, an undignified yelp managed to escape past his lips as he attempted to balance the ladder. “O-oh no. Ohgodsno.”

Loki did an awkward stilt walk with the ladder in an attempt to keep it upright. Wobbling dangerously as his eyes frantically glance about the room with a hissed squeak of “Help.” The ladder teetered to and fro before he manages to turn it back towards the shelf, though the shift in weight only causes the ladder to slam into it. The bookshelf falls away from him to crash into the shelf next to it, as he looses his grip and slides down the ladder. Barely managing to right himself and stumble to his feet in time to watch with horror at the domino effect that he inadvertently created. The large shelves knocking into each other then the floor in succession with deafening bangs.

Finally as the dust and papers settle, the silence that immediately follows is oppressive.

Loki shakily reached up to slip off his glasses, slowly turning around the room to take in the complete and utter mess that lay before him. As he turned he flinched sharply at the sudden appearance of the museum curator, Dr. Phil Coulson. The man dressed in the black suit silently made his way over to the dazed librarian, a stern expression on his face as he looked around. Quirking an unamused brow, his eyes bored into Loki’s. Loki would’ve preferred yelling, anything besides Coulson’s silent, judgmental stare.

Clearing his throat Loki began to explain, “Dr. Coulson I’m so incredibly sorry for this…it was an accident-”. Coulson interrupted voice laced with quiet derision, “When Ramses destroyed Syria. _That_. Was an accident. You? You, Odinson, are a catastrophe.” He sighed as resumed his examination of the mess, muttering “Why do I put up with you?”

Loki felt his chest puff up slightly in indignation at the comment, giving Coulson a strained smile, “Why, you ‘put up with me’, because I can read and write ancient Egyptian. I can decipher hieroglyphs and hieratic…” Giving into his frustration he gestured flippantly around the room with his hands, voice raised, “And I’m the only bloody person within a thousand miles of this place who knows how to properly code and catalogue this library.” Coulson merely gave a chiding smile, holding his demeanor as though explaining to a child, “I put up with you because your mother and father were our finest patrons, that‘s why. God rest their souls.” Coulson then turned walking back to his office, climbing over a fallen shelf, murmuring ominously, “I don’t care how you do it. I don’t care how long it takes. Straighten up this mess, Odinson.”

Loki quickly deflated with a sigh, mournfully glancing around the room once again. When he heard a sound coming from the front rooms, where they kept the artifacts on display. Entering he glanced about calling out, “Hello?”. Pausing and hearing no response he moved to pick up a nearby torch and walking into the dimly lit room. “Victor? Amora?…Bob?” Not wanting to admit to the chill that crept up his spine at hearing no reply, he slowly moved deeper into the chamber.

About to give up the search when again he heard the noise, this time it sounded almost as though someone was whimpering “Help”. Glancing over he spotted what seemed to be the source of the voice. Stepping closer to the opened sarcophagus, he slowly leaned forward to peer inside. The worried expression shifting quickly to a deadpan stare as he muttered, “…You know Thor, you really should leave the pranks to me. This is quite pathetic.”

Inside the sarcophagus lay his older brother Thor, his broad shoulders cramped within the tight space. Apparently stuck in the coffin in an attempt to scare Loki. Since there was barely any room for the Thor, the mottled corpse of the coffin’s owner had to be splayed over his body. Thor looked up and gave Loki a relieved and lopsided grin, “Oh thank the gods its you brother. I feared I would be trapped here all night.”

Loki tutted softly, as he placed the torch into a holder, and reached over to carefully lift the corpse off Thor, muttering “Have you no respect for the dead?” Loki then took hold of his brother’s large hands and pulled him up. Thor smiled gratefully as he sat up and brushed off the front of his worn blue suit. Loki snapped his fingers in a gesture for Thor to hurry up, “Now get out, before you ruin my career the way you’ve ruined yours.” Thor turned up his big baby blues at Loki to turn on the wounded puppy eyes as he pouted, “My dear, sweet, baby brother, I’ll have you know that at this precise moment, my career is on a high note.” Thor clumsily clambered out of the sarcophagus, leaving the corpse to drop back onto its rightful spot.

“High note? Ha. Thor please I’m really not in the mood for you. I’ve just made a bit of a mess in library…” Loki quickly let go of Thor after he had righted himself, and glanced back towards the direction of the library, wringing his hands nervously. “…And the Bembridge Scholars have rejected my application form. _Again_.” Loki sighed and moved to sit at the base of the nearest statue and hung his head into his hands, “They say I don’t have enough experience in the field.” Thor looked ashamed before moving to crouch down in front of his brother and reaching out to cup Loki’s neck in an affectionate gesture. “…You’ll always have me, brother.”

Loki snorted softly before glancing back up and giving Thor a small appreciative smile. Thor grinned broadly, “Besides I have just the thing to cheer you up!” He stood up and moved back over to the sarcophagus and rummaged around it, pushing the remains aside. Loki rolled his eyes, “Oh no, Thor. Not another worthless trinket. If I have to take one more piece of junk to the curator to try to sell for you-…” Loki’s scolding trailed off as he took in the small ancient box Thor was holding under his nose. He gently reached out to pick it up and examine the hieroglyphs drawn along its sides. “Where did you get this?” Thor shuffled his feet slightly, before boasting haltingly “On a dig…down in uh… Thebes!” He then begged, “…Please, _please_ brother, tell me I found something.”

Loki scrutinized Thor with a deadpan expression, his brother being a horrid liar. But before he could reproach him, his wandering fingers had managed to push a hidden button in the box, and it mechanically sprung open. His gaze went back down to find a bit of papyrus stick out of the compartment. Gingerly lifting the parchment of the box he muttered, voicing his awe, “Thor…I think you found something.” He opened the parchment carefully, revealing a beautiful and intricately drawn map.

 

  
Loki and Thor stood on either side of Coulson inside his cluttered office. Loki pointed at the map, “You see that cartouche there, it’s the official royal seal of Seti the First. I’m sure of it.” Coulson examined the map with a large magnifying glass, “Perhaps.”

Thor moved to excitedly pace the length of the small office, “Two questions. Who was Seti the First, and was he rich?” Loki glanced up from the map, Thor’s excitement catching, as he explained, “He was the second pharaoh of the 19th dynasty. Said to be the wealthiest pharaoh of them all.” Thor grinned and nodded to himself, nearly wearing a path into the rug with his shuffling strides, “Good. That’s good. I like this fellow. I like him very much.”

Loki turned back to Coulson, leaning over the desk breathlessly, pointing at another corner of the parchment, “I’ve already dated the map, and its almost three thousand years old! And if you look at the hieratic over here…well, its Hamunaptra.” He straightened back up with a hungry gleam to his eyes, licking his dried lips.

Coulson sat back in his plush chair, “Don’t be ridiculous, Odinson. We’re scholars, not treasure hunters. Hamunaptra is a myth told by ancient Arab storytellers to amuse Greek and Roman tourists.” Loki waved a hand dismissively, “Yes, yes. I know all the silly blabber about the city being protected by the curse of a mummy nonsense.” He paused before placing his hand to his chest and continuing, “But my research has led me to believe that the city itself may have actually existed.”

Thor’s eyes had started to glaze over at all the historical mumbo-jumbo, before he perked up excitedly, “Are we talking about the Hamunaptra?” Loki smirked up at his brother, “Yes the city of the dead. Where the earliest pharaohs were said to have hidden the wealth of Egypt.”

Thor resumed his pacing, gesturing animatedly with his hands, “Right, right, in a big underground treasure chamber! Everybody knows the story. The entire necropolis was rigged to sink into the sand. On Pharaoh's command, a flick of the switch! And the whole place could disappear beneath the sand dunes. Taking all the along treasure with it.” Coulson quietly watched the elder brother act like a child in a candy store at the mere thought of all the treasure, glory, and adventure that would await him. He then moved back to pick up the map once more to study it closer to the lit candle, murmuring, “As the Americans would say: it's all fairy tales and hokum…” He had held the papyrus too close to the flame, causing it to catch fire, dropping it quickly to the floor with a monotone, “Oh no.”

Thor and Loki watched with wide eyes before lunging at the same exact moment, kneeling on the floor and frantically trying to pat the fire out without further damaging anymore of the map. When they managed to put it out, Loki sent a vicious glare to Coulson as Thor wailed, “You burned it! You burned off the part with the lost city!” Coulson merely watched the brothers in front of him, lacing his hands together on his desk, “It's for the best, I'm sure. Many men have wasted their lives in the foolish pursuit of Hamunaptra. No one has ever found it, most have never returned.”


	4. Are you telling me, this filthy godless son of a pig, knows where to find the city of the dead?

CAIRO PRISON - 1926

 

Loki cringed with distaste at the sight of the prison before him, staying close to Thor as they strode through the threshold. He flinched when a prisoner babbling madly, tried to reach out to him. Glancing warily at the warden, he adjusted his beige jacket tighter to his lanky frame.

The short, redheaded woman was quite frightening, if he were to be perfectly frank. Her diminutive figure did nothing to diminish her authoritative manner of speaking and the cold glint in her eyes. Introducing herself as Warden Romanov, she had given the brothers a suspicious once-over before leading them to their quarry, looking back at them briefly over her shoulder to murmur in a soft, slightly accented voice, “Welcome to Cairo Prison, my humble abode…please keep your hands to yourselves, lest you lose them.”

Loki tensed further and leaned over to discreetly hiss into Thor’s ear, “A dig down in Thebes, eh brother?”

Thor sheepishly avoided his brother’s venomous gaze, “…I was mistaken-”

“No. You lied to me. Although that sad attempt isn’t what surprised me. Stealing from a drunk at the local Casbah? That you managed to get away with pick pocketing with those meaty things, I’m actually impressed.” Loki loosely gestured at Thor’s hands as his brother wrung them ashamedly.

“Pickpocket? N-no! He had…dropped it during his drunken stupor and…I simply did not return it.” Thor had begun to lag behind Loki, clearly not looking forward to the meeting.

Loki rolled his eyes, and straightened his back, deciding it best not to show any weakness to this scoundrel. Clearing his throat, he asked politely, “Excuse me, Madame Romanov…What exactly is this man in prison for?”

Natasha had paused in front of a cell as the guards dragged in the much anticipated prisoner. She casually leaned against one of the bars, uncaring if any grime got on her pristine uniform. “That I did not know, Mr. Odinson. However when I heard of your intended visit…I asked him that myself.”

Loki kept his gaze on the woman, as he asked impatiently, “And? What did he say?”

She glanced back to the struggling prisoner as the guards forced him onto his knees. Then returning her gaze back to the brothers with an amused quirk of her lips, and a smooth shrug of her shoulder. “He said…He was just looking for a ‘good time’.”

Loki furrowed his brows before finally looking down to examine the chained man as he was shoved against the bars. He tried to contain a sneer at the man’s disgustingly unkempt appearance.

The guards stepping back to stand on either side of the prisoner, as the man straightened and looked up at the trio in front of his cell. Hands loosely holding the bars he gave them a stunningly debonair grin, though the effect was lost due to his overall appearance.

The man’s clothes were torn and muddied with grime and flecks of dried blood. His brown hair was long and matted. While his features were half hidden by a sizable beard, giving him a crazed look as he chuckled to himself.

Loki slowly leaned over to Thor and whispered, “… _This_ is the man you stole it from?”

Thor all the while had a forced wide smile as he muttered through gritted teeth, “Yes, so why don’t we just go now? We aren‘t likely to get any answers from the mad bloke.”

The man finally stopped chuckling and gave Loki a leery once over, “I asked for belly dancer girls, but I guess this prude will have to do.” He waggled his brows, and grinned “Tell me doll face, would you do a little shimmy for a poor, lonely man?”

Loki sputtered at the man’s audacity, though before he could say anything Thor butted in angrily, “Sir! I will not have you speaking to my brother in such a manner!”

The man paused, grin slipping from his lips before he leaned closer to the bars to squint up at Loki. Then he pulled back with a shrug and an unapologetic smile “Guess the sun was in my eyes…Sorry for mistaking your scrawny ass brother for a dame.”

“ _Dame_?!” Loki’s nostrils flared as he tried to lunge at the bars, though Thor quickly held him back.

After pulling Loki briefly aside and soothingly trying to remind him of the reason they were here, Thor walked over to get closer to the bars that separated them from the inmate. “I think we’ve got off on the wrong foot. My name is Thor Odinson, and this is my brother, Loki.” He leaned over to try to block the man’s eyesight from his brother.

The inmate had been busy trying to get a better view of Loki, before he leaned back to give Thor a friendly smile, muttering, “Tony Stark, at your service.” He then gestured to over Thor’s shoulder, “Now, ya mind getting out of my face, Hercules? You’re blocking the nice view.” He reached out through the bars to shove Thor’s face, off balancing the bigger man and causing Thor to land on his butt.

Tony then proceeded to blow a kiss to Loki, before a guard cuffed him over the head with his club.

Natasha having watched with amusement at his antics had turned when another guard had called her over. She moved to head over to the man trying to get her attention, “I will return in a moment. Stark, Behave.”

Tony watched Natasha’s retreating form and called out sarcastically with a sing-song voice, “I will count the minutes until your return, Natasha- _darling_ ~.” He turned his gaze back to the still upright brother.

Loki stepped around Thor’s body with a deadpan stare, “Mr. Stark let’s cut to the chase. We’ve found your puzzle box, and we’ve come to ask you about-”

Tony returned the deadpan expression, and cut Loki off with a firm, “ _No_.”

Loki blinked, before narrowing his eyes, “…No?”

Tony shook his head, with a shrug of his shoulders, “No. You came to ask me about Hamunaptra.” His bright eyes flicked back up to meet Loki’s, the sharpness in them belaying the initial spark of madness.

Loki glances around hastily making sure no one was paying attention to their conversation. Before taking a small step closer and quirking a brow, “How do you know it pertains to Hamunaptra?”

Tony leans in to whisper conspiratorially, “Because. That’s where I was when I found it. I was there~.”

Thor then moved to grumpily get back up, “How do we know to take your word on anything? You’re in this prison for a reason.”

He gave Loki a final good natured leer, before sitting back slightly to examine the hulking blonde leaning towards him, “…say you look familiar, don’t I know you? Oktoberfest 1920? No, no that’s not right-” His thoughtful smile faded, as his eyes widened at the recognition. Striking out faster than one would think possible for a beaten prisoner, he soundly clocked Thor in the face, bringing the large man down and out.

Before Tony could even relax again, the guards hit him with their clubs in retaliation, causing his head to smack against the bars. When they finished he straightened back up with a wince and gave Loki a bloodied grin.

Loki watched the filthy man spit out a wad of blood, before carefully stepping over Thor’s prone body. Face scrunching up skeptically, “You were actually at Hamunaptra?”

Tony grins cockily, “Yeah, doll face. I was there.”

Loki eye’s narrowed further, “You swear?”

Tony replied smoothly, “Every fucking day.”

Loki’s sighed in exasperation, “No you vulgar man, I meant-”

Tony cut him off, “I know what you meant. I was there.” He lifted his hands from the bars to wiggle his fingers in a creepy gesture, “Seti’s place. The city of the dead.” He drags out the word ‘dead’ to make it sound like a ghostly wail.

Loki’s brows furrow in annoyance, before he looks over his shoulder, then takes off the black wide brimmed fedora off his head. He tipped it over to hide his face from the guards as he leaned in, “Could you tell me how to get there? The precise location.”

Tony tilts his head with mocking curiosity, “You wanna to know?”

Loki leans in closer, expression becoming desperate, “Yes.”

Tony crooks his finger playfully, whispering, “Do you _reaaallyyyyy_ wanna know?”

Loki moves his face right up to the bars, glaring outright, “Yes. I really want to know, you disease-ridden-”

Tony had swiftly moved in to capture his lips in a bruising kiss. His fingers had reached out to cup Loki’s chin to hold him there. Before he pulled back, expression serious as he hissed, “Then get me the fuck out of here.”

Loki was utterly bewildered, eyes wide and fluttering as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He stumbled back from the cell, his hat slipping from his fingers. Then watched as the guards beat Tony once again and finally dragged him out.

Natasha had silently sidled up beside him. Loki turned to her, trying to regain his composure, stammered, “Wh-where are they taking him?”

Natasha tilted her head slightly, her eyes sliding over to meet his, “To be hanged.” She then smiled to herself as though to a private joke, “Apparently…He had a _very_ good time.”

 

 

Loki sat uncomfortably in a rickety wooden chair beside Natasha on a balcony overlooking the gallows. Watching as the guards prepared Stark for his hanging. He turned to her and said firmly, “Madame Romanov. I will give you one hundred pounds to spare that idiot’s life.”

Natasha didn’t even spare him glance, “Mr. Odinson, I would pay one hundred pounds to see him hang.”

Loki shot back, “Two hundred pounds!”

Natasha countered with a bored, “Proceed.”

Loki was becoming nervous now, “Three hundred pounds!”

Natasha finally graced Loki with a quirked brow.

Loki gave a panicky shout as he saw the hangman tighten the noose around Stark’s neck, “FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS!”

Natasha merely turned back to gesture for the executioner to continue.

The hangman pulls the lever with a delighted sneer. The trapdoor falls away underneath Stark.

Loki shoots up out of his seat with a cry, “NO!” He could practically see all those rare artifacts slipping through his fingers, as he slumped back down in defeat.

Tony dropped like a stone, until the rope jerked taught, his body snapping at the end. His legs flailing uselessly, the rope tightening sharply around his neck cutting off his supply of air.

Natasha sighs softly in disappointment, “His neck did not break. I suppose we must now watch him strangle to death.”

Tony struggles at the end of the rope, gagging as his face already began to turning different shades of red.

Loki thinking quickly, turns back to Natasha, “He knows the location to Hamunaptra!”

Natasha sits up in interest, eyes coldly piercing, “You lie.”

Loki said aghast, “I would never lie about something this significant!”

Natasha looks back to Stark’s still twitching body, “You are telling me this drunkard, knows where to find the city of the dead?”

Loki bargained, “Yes and if you cut him down, I will give you ten percent.”

Natasha looks at him from the corner of her eyes, “Fifty.”

“Twenty.”

“Forty.”

“Thirty”

“Thirty-five” Natasha watched Loki as the man glanced back and forth over to Stark with each new bargain, clearly panicked at the sight of Stark turning blue.

“Forty-five!”

Natasha smirks at Loki’s slip and murmurs, “Deal.”

Loki blinks before cursing at himself under his breath, watching as Natasha ordered the hangman to cut Stark down.

The executioner swiftly brought his scimitar across the rope, slashing it in half. Tony crashed to the ground, choking and coughing as air filled his lungs once more.

Tony turned to look up to his unusual savior, meeting the man’s eerie green eyes. Before he gave a slight nod of gratitude, lips breaking out into a wide smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to GreenLoki for beta'ing. Your input is brilliant!  
> Hopefully I can get the next chapter out fast than I did with this one.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it's lame, this is my first attempt at fanfic. If anyone would like to be a Beta to this story please leave a note.
> 
> I'll try to update at least once a week. Critiques are welcome.


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